Re-constructing discourses of love to facilitate help-seeking after woman abuse

The love women feel for their abuser is a powerful factor that has a bearing on women's help-seeking after woman abuse. The discourse of love and happily-ever-after marriages emerged in the dialogues of some abused women interviewed in South African shelters. It would seem that the discourse of love contributes to abused women both staying in abusive relationships and in leaving. In women's discussion about their abusers in most cases they said that they come into relationships because they love their partner. These feelings of love for the abuser do not disappear because of the abuse. At a critical point, however, women either decide to seek help or leave the abusive relationship when they are able to separate the notion of love from the experience of abuse, or when their love changes and they begin to despise their partners. The reconstructing of their experience allows women to begin developing what Harding (2004) refers to as oppositional consciousness, which eases the path to seeking help. This Briefing, located within feminist standpoint theories, discusses how love is a central factor that emerged in abused women's reluctance to seek help. It will also demonstrate how when women disentangled love from violence it contributed to their ‘oppositional consciousness’, and their ability to deal with the abusive relationships.